Motley Crue Announces Breakup…Thank God!

Yesterday, Motley Crue announced that they will be breaking up, but not before they do one final tour, for the money…I MEAN…for the fans. Rather than calling it a farewell tour, they decided to call it “The Final Tour”, which they feel is “more honest”, because farewell implies that you might be back. And if there’s anything they didn’t say at the press conference, it’s that they might be back. They wanted everyone to be fully convinced that this is it! They even signed a contract stating that the four original members would not tour as Motley Crue ever again! And, to give fans an extra gift, the special guest on the tour is Alice Cooper! Which, when you think about it, $40 just for Alice is a deal! I’d probably leave after Alice, though, rather than sitting through Vince Neil leaving out half the words to the songs! During the press conference, they ripped on other bands for doing long farewell tours, or coming back after a farewell tour, and they said they would never rip off their fans like that! Immediately, though, everyone started to see right through their plans. The contract CLEARLY STATES that THE FOUR ORIGINAL MEMBERS…I’ll repeat that…THE…FOUR…ORIGINAL…MEMBERS OF MOTLEY CRUE WILL NOT TOUR AS MOTLEY CRUE EVER AGAIN! Since Mick has been in obviously terrible health for years, everyone could see that the motive just might be to start touring WITHOUT Mick after this tour, and continue to call it Motley Crue, since that would not be a breach of contract. Folks, if you truly believe that Motley Crue is honest in saying they won’t be back, I’ve got some ocean front property in Vegas to sell you! They’ll be back. This is purely a quick cash grab. It always is.

The press conference:
Vince starts off singing half the words to “Smokin’ In The Boys Room”, then gets hit with a water bottle, so he storms off the stage, and sings NONE of the words. Slight improvement, actually! :


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